Sunday, February 26, 2012

MEN: buying nice clothes and eating in nice restaurants?

My boyfriend (since may '08) is turning 27.



He's back in school, etc, and trying to get his act togehter which is really good for him but there's some other aspects of 'growing up' that he hasn't gotten around to yet.



1. clothes-- he barely has any: 2 pairs of jeans, a couple of really casual tops and 2 nice button downs. He has a pair of sneakers and a pair of material slide on shoes that are also very casual. He might own a suite but he does not own nice shoes.



2. eating habits: At restaurants he eats like its a race and ALWAYS cleans his plate no matter how massive the dish and he can't eat a salad without leaves sticking out of his mouth.



He's a wonderful guy but his inability to dress and eat a certain way do inhibit him. For example, my mom is taking us to eat steak at Ruth's Chris...he is SO excited but he did stress out about not having the appropriate attire and I'm wondering...but you're 27! You should at least have a nice pair of shoes! (sneakers at this place would be highly inappropriate)...and I'm also wondering how he will eat there-- last time we ate at a nice restaurant I was a little embarrassed at the massive chunks of greenery sticking out of his mouth.



I have absolute no desire to "change" him but do want to help him incorporate some nice clothing items into his wardrobe for 'special occasions' and want to help him learn how to not eat like a cow munching on grass....



How is the most polite way I could do this? I'm def. going to buy him a basic nice pair of shoes for christmas, lol, but I cant buy him all his nice stuff and I dont know how to help him with his eating etiquette !MEN: buying nice clothes and eating in nice restaurants?
I was actually married to a man that sounds exactly like your boyfriend. What I did was slowly sneak in "suggestions". I was like you, I didn't want to change him as a person, but unfortunately, it is up to most women to teach a man what their momma didn't.



First of all, Kohl's has some really nice looking clothes for men that are very reasonably priced. My husband needed such an overhaul, that I thought it would cost thousands. We spent around $250 and bought multiple dress shirts and several pairs of pants. Any chain of shoe store will carry some nice looking shoes for men.



As for his manners at the dinner table, You just have to have a bold conversation with him. My husband thought manners were created to make people uncomfortable (such as himself). He actually said it hurt his jaw to chew with his mouth closed. I explained to him that manners were created to make others comfortable because no one wants to see your chewed up food. I also had to tell him to take smaller bites and that he was not in an eating contest for speed. You don't have to be rude in telling him these things, but I am going to hope since your boyfriend does enjoy fine dining that eventually he will realize he is being stared at by disgusted onlookers.



The light at the end of the tunnel is my husband did change these habits, and once he saw how handsome he looked in his new clothes he loved to dress up.



Good luck!MEN: buying nice clothes and eating in nice restaurants?
sounds like he has been in jail or prison from the behavior you describeMEN: buying nice clothes and eating in nice restaurants?
Buy him nicer clothes and compliment him when he wears them.



But really, I don't even notice if someone in a nice restaurant has poor attire or poor table manners. I really don't know why anyone else would care.
Was he raised by wolves? Of course you want to change him, but I don't blame you for that, he sounds like he could use some changes. Don't try to be subtle with him. Just tell him bluntly that if he wants to continue dating you he'll have to start dressing better and watching his eating habits. Then kindly point out the areas that he needs help in, and tell him that you'll be there with him to guide him along the road to acceptable social skills. He will appreciate the effort, and it will probably bring you closer together.

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